Aqua Teen Titan Force: Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future
Gizmo: Run! fat boy Run!
Theme Song Singer: My name is, Robsuva, the Mike Rula, the Old Schoola, you want a trip, I bring it to ya. Cylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop, Beastwad you're up next with your knock knock. Beastwad makes the money, see. Beastwad gets the honnies see. Drving in my car, living like a star, ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus. Uh, check check it, yeah. Cause we are the Aqua Teens, make the homies say ho and the girlies wanna scream. Cause we are the Aqua Teens, make the homies say ho and the girlies wanna scream. Aqua Teen Titan Force. Number one in the hood G.
Starfire: The Big Buns. Arise.
Raven: Hunh? Oh God!
Starfire: Now you listen directly to the me. For I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. And I have come to show you what Christmas was like.
Starfire: This was Christmas for little Raven in the 1968.
Little Raven: Oh boy oh boy! I hope this is a new Mommy.
Trigon: Yeah, it's not. Unwrap it you little creep, we have to be at work in an hour.
Little Raven: What is this dad? What? Is this carpet daddy?
Trigon: Carpet? No. No, it's burba, it's an industry term.
Little Raven: Hey! It's like a flying magic carpet here. Look at this, I'm flying around around in Egypt land.
Trigon (while Little Raven makes airplane sounds): Heh heh heh, that's cute. Don't get too attached there Aladdin, cause it's about to be magic flying dinner.
Little Raven: You can't eat carpet, silly daddy.
Trigon: No, of course you can't like that. You gotta boil it, till the glue gets soft you know. Oh geez, look at the time.
Little Raven: But it's Christmas daddy.
Trigon: You're not getting out of this. Put on your work boots and your respirator. I had to pull a lot of strings to get them to hire an eight year old.
Little Raven: Don't make me go, I don't wanna make insulation.
Trigon: Come on, you're late!
Little Raven: OH GOD!
Starfire: You remember that Christmas don't you?
Raven: No, I, you know I remember eating carpet. Not so much the lasers and the robots though.
Starfire: The war of man against the machine waged on through the early 70's. You don't remember because back then it was only a prophecy.
Raven: Yeah, co...
Starfire: Now, in the future, the past has occurred.
Raven: Just, just hang on a second okay?
Raven: You're the ghost of Christmas past, right?
Starfire: That is correct.
Raven: Okay, well, you know, I mean, it's February. Right?
Starfire: I am a the robot.
Raven: Well uh, you know obviously. What are you stupid?
Starfire: Well, well no I'm, look I will see you in December, tomorrow.
Raven: Well okay, whatever there. Just, uh, lock the door on the way out there.
Starefire (breaks door down): Do what?
Raven: NEVER MIND JUST LEAVE!
Raven: Oh great.
Robinshake: Hey Raven.
Raven: What, why are you here? What else happened? Is my car messed up?
Robinshake: Sorry, listen, I wouldn't bother you like this.
Raven: Something's wrong with my roof isn't it? The robot's on my roof right? He's ripping up my shingles what?
Robinshake: Raven, just relax, listen. This is totally, not a big deal.
Raven: This is a big deal! This is a very big deal! What is this?
Robinshake: Look, at first I thought this was that stuff that turns red when you pee in it, cause I had to pee here a number of times. But look at it Raven. That's blood my friend.
Raven: Damn. It's like someone wrung out a herd of cows through a juicer or something.
Cylock: This is not cow blood Raven. This is...Elfin blood!
Raven: Who would do something like this to me?
Starfire: Well I don't know. Maybe, oh wait, I did it.
Cylock: So why did you fill Raven's pool with blood?
Starfire: Well this is going to take a long time. So you may want to get some snacks.
Cylock: No, no that's alright I think I can wait for it.
Robinshake: Well I'm going to get food.
Starfire: Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus. An Ape like creature making crude and pointless toys out of Dino bone and his own waste. Hurling them at ape like creatures with crinkled hands, regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so called toys were buried as witches and defecated upon, and thrown at predators who were awoken by the searing grunts of the children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that the year. For many were killed.
Cylock: Well that still doesn't tell me why...
Starfire: I'm not finished. You should have gotten a snack. A war like race of elves from the red planet landed on the ice encased earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape. To make his confused toys, using galactic Elvin technology, for ever monsantianados. Toys were made into more recognizable shapes and given names like "The Train". But these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon, because they were so the stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.
Beastwad: Boy this is a long story. You know maybe, um, maybe I will get something to eat.
Raven: Yeah, I think I'm gonna get, uh, drunk while I listen to ya.
Cylock: So, about this blood.
Starfire: Let's just wait for them. So, you been in the neighborhood long or...
Cylock: Well, I mean, we moved here next to Raven about...
Raven: Alright we're back here.
Starfire: Thousands of years ago, the ice had made the globe in-navigable. Santa Ape did not know what a the North Pole was. How could he? He was born before the science existed. So he arbitrarily placed his workshop, right the here, long before they unionized, and Christmas was celebrated each full moon, in front of the great red ape.
Cylock: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, who? Who unionized?
Starfire: Wouldn't you like to know. Probably your momma.
Beastwad: Damn, it's make me sad that they had to open their toys in front of an ape and they were all made out of doo doo. What kinda Christmas is that?
Cylock: It's okay Beastwad, this is all a bunch of bull.
Starfire: You don't the believe?
Cylock: Believe what? That you're a ghost and that Santa Claus is an ape that's the most ridiculous...
Starfire: Was an Ape. Now he is a the machine.
Beastwad: I left cookies, and a glass of milk, for a machine?
Starfire: No man he's an ape. I mean wait he's a machine. You were trying to mess me up on purpose.
Cylock: But I thought everyone was undeveloped. Couldn't make machines with their crinkled hands.
Starfire: But the elves came from the red planet, and there was much defecation.
Cylock: Yeah, yeah you mentioned that. How long ago did you say this was?
Starfire: Thousands of years ago...
Cylock: No, shut up. You still haven't explained why the pool is filled with elf blood.
Starfire: I told you the earlier. It was the great circuiting.
Cylock: You didn't mention no great circuiting.
Starfire: Oh I didn't? Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was a creature, named sir...became a mother, and that is where babies come from, for machines.
Beastwad: Boy that's some story. That kinda is different from what I remember, being told about people loving each other, you know physically.
Starfire: No, that is very the wrong. You cling to your pathetic fable of about the fluid exchange.
Starfire: I am talking.
Cylock: I'm sorry. I nodded off. What'd I miss?
Beastwad: Well, you should have been listening, cause he said that the elves tried to unionize cause Santa ape was using their machines, and that turned into a war between the elves and machines and the machines won, and then this here, this here that we're standing on, this an Elfin playground.
Starfire: This is a graveyard.
Beastwad: Graveyard, and that's why the pool's filled with blood, cause that over there, that ghost, he's haunting it, cause Raven desecrated it, cause she lives here. Something to about babies, babies get made that way.
Cylock: Raven, did you get all that?
Robinshake: Hey Raven, wake up, you're wasted.
Raven: (mumbling) What?
Robinshake: You didn't hear a word she said didja?
Raven: I guess not. What'd she say?
Robinshake: I hate to be a buzz kill, but she said your house is on elf graves and they're pissed off.
Raven: Alright, fine, we'll do that.
Beastwad: And the blood's just gonna keep flowing. Unless uh...
Starfire: Unless Raven pays tribute to the elfin elders in space.
Raven: I'll do it, what do I do?
Starfire: You must give of yourself to the great red ape.
Raven: Okay, how much?
Starfire: The sexually.
Cylock: Hey man, you know you don't have to move. You could do that other thing the robot talked about.
Raven: Look, I know it's been a while, right? But, uh, I'm not gonna get humped by a giant red gorilla in space, okay? No thank you. Now get lost, I got a guy coming over here, hopefully put in an offer on my bloody house. I don't need you here freaking him out. OH GOD!
Cylock: Woah. I'll tell you what, why don't you go next door and use our bathroom.
Raven: That's just what I want to do is, uh, you know, get nude in your house.
Schooly D: Yo Raven, how you gonna sell this house full of blood G?
Raven: So yeah, uh, you know, it's a full three two. Ya got good schools here, ya got the uh, bonus room there with the, uh...
Starfire: We shall go to Mexico tomorrow.
Raven: With the shrieking robot here, there she is. And, uh, in the summer time you got this.
Danzing: I got a question. How long's this blood last?
Raven: Uh, I don't know, uh, let me talk to my blood guy here.
Starfire: The elfin blood will flow forever for eternity from the elfin graves. Forever.
Danzing: This is fucking great. I'm gonna line this thing with gargoyles, for the sacrifices.
Raven: What's your name again?
Danzing: Danzing mother fucker.
Danzing: Now, uh, is there a way to get the blood to flow up the walls?
Starfire: I don't see why not.
Raven: That's good right? Going up a wall? That's elf blood too, that's not cheap.
Danzing: How much you want?
Raven: Oh I don't know, you know, uh, maybe, uh, a million?
Danzing: Killer. Draft a check tomorrow.
Raven: You're serious? Thank you God!
Cylock: Does he have to run those damn sprinklers all the time?
Robinshake: It sure makes our house look a hell of a lot better don't you think?
Cylock: I'm gonna go talk to him.
Robinshake: He's coming over here. Okay, get out of here, I'll handle it. Go, just go away, Beastwad, come on, hurry.
Danzing: Hey, butt wipe, open up.
Robinshake: Hey hey. Danzing. How's it going buddy?
Danzing: Yeah yeah, you see my robot?
Beastwad: Yes, here it is.
Robinshake: No, we chopped it up. We haven't seen her.
Danzing: Yeah, cause I'm a little low on the blood front right now, and she's supposed to be hooking me up with that.
Robinshake: I don't know what to tell ya, I mean I'll let you know if we see her. Hey, you want something to eat? I can go make you something in our haunted kitchen.
Beastwad: Danzing. You want something to eat?
Robinshake: I don't like to change the subject, but have you seen how low the interest rates on mortgages are right now? It's a buyer's market.
Danzing: Now look, listen to me as hard as you fucking can. That fucking robot came with the fucking house, and now she's fucking gone. If you see that mother...
Robinshake: Uh yeah, yeah we'll tell her.
Danzing: You fucking better. If I find out she's been over here, I'll be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your fucking skull. Estable?
Robinshake: Okay, so, thank you.
Beastwad: Hey man, you can come out now, he's gone.
Starfire: I can not live with that guy. He is so the annoying, he is so frightening, he doesn't wear a the shirt.
Robinshake: You will make our house bleed right now!